*Flash forward: I love this blog. This might sum me up as good as any of the crap I have written.
I hate being the dumb guy in a group.
I don’t think I am completely in love with myself so much that I believe I am the smartest guy in a group, but I certainly never think I am the most inept.
That is until I say something really inept.
The fact is that most of my social network is younger than me. I am soon to be a teacher, so I am, at times, the smartest person in the room at my workplace. My friends are mostly younger than me too, so sometimes I can stupidly parade around as the wise man in a group because, in that group, I just may be.
But I am not a wise man—not to the extent that I could be or other people are. I should be content with this concept because, even though this great land of ours thrives off unique individualism, it is not important nor is it even all that good to be the smartest person in the room.
There are things I know about and can talk about at length that no one in my social network can touch. In my circle of friends I am the unchallengeable jazz expert. Anything jazz is my station. My knowledge, understanding, and experience of this and several other musical genres is what fuels my outwardly-given, inwardly-driven nickname, “The Anthology?. Am I the true Anthology in any musical style?
Nope.
Jazz: I can name two friends right off the top of my head who blow me away in the world of jazz. Two friends. Not two people I met once at a bar. Not two people I read about in Rolling Stone, and certainly not two people I met on the Internet, because that just doesn’t sound right. The two guys are Ben Syversen and Lukaz Malewicz. We talked about music constantly in our friendships during college. These conversations are the basis of everything I know about jazz. Yeah I love the music, played the music, even arranged some jazz, but everything I really know I learned from talking to two guys. I went into conversations with those guys with the willingness to soak in what they were saying. If I said something stupid it was ok because they just loved talking about the music at all (for those of you who don’t know, jazz is the most talked-about art form that doesn’t make any money in the entire country. I would say the world, but I haven’t left the country so I couldn’t confirm that with reliable sources. Although Luke is Polish. I digress.)
When I enter my social network as the wise shaman, baring my intellectual soul (or lack there of) to my audience, (first mistake—your friends shouldn’t be an audience) it is easy for that soul to get crushed. But what I realize is that is not such a bad thing. Crush my soul if you want. Crush it three times or more without even knowing what you are doing. That intellectual soul won’t die. I am too pompous for that.
Besides, (cheesy ending coming—get ready) when I put myself out there to be respected or ridiculed I am bettering myself and the people around me. Whether I say something that will make them think, or I say something they can confidently eliminate from their line of thinking I have put in my deposit for a more thought-provoking community. And if there isn’t thought-provoking community in our universe we might as well just throw it all out and get rid of NBA basketball and Kelly Clarkson too.
I can’t let that happen people. I…just…can’t.I hate being the dumb guy in a group.
I don’t think I am completely in love with myself so much that I believe I am the smartest guy in a group, but I certainly never think I am the most inept.
That is until I say something really inept.
The fact is that most of my social network is younger than me. I am soon to be a teacher, so I am, at times, the smartest person in the room at my workplace. My friends are mostly younger than me too, so sometimes I can stupidly parade around as the wise man in a group because, in that group, I just may be.
But I am not a wise man—not to the extent that I could be or other people are. I should be content with this concept because, even though this great land of ours thrives off unique individualism, it is not important nor is it even all that good to be the smartest person in the room.
There are things I know about and can talk about at length that no one in my social network can touch. In my circle of friends I am the unchallengeable jazz expert. Anything jazz is my station. My knowledge, understanding, and experience of this and several other musical genres is what fuels my outwardly-given, inwardly-driven nickname, “The Anthology?. Am I the true Anthology in any musical style?
Nope.
Jazz: I can name two friends right off the top of my head who blow me away in the world of jazz. Two friends. Not two people I met once at a bar. Not two people I read about in Rolling Stone, and certainly not two people I met on the Internet, because that just doesn’t sound right. The two guys are Ben Syversen and Lukaz Malewicz. We talked about music constantly in our friendships during college. These conversations are the basis of everything I know about jazz. Yeah I love the music, played the music, even arranged some jazz, but everything I really know I learned from talking to two guys. I went into conversations with those guys with the willingness to soak in what they were saying. If I said something stupid it was ok because they just loved talking about the music at all (for those of you who don’t know, jazz is the most talked-about art form that doesn’t make any money in the entire country. I would say the world, but I haven’t left the country so I couldn’t confirm that with reliable sources. Although Luke is Polish. I digress.)
When I enter my social network as the wise shaman, baring my intellectual soul (or lack there of) to my audience, (first mistake—your friends shouldn’t be an audience) it is easy for that soul to get crushed. But what I realize is that is not such a bad thing. Crush my soul if you want. Crush it three times or more without even knowing what you are doing. That intellectual soul won’t die. I am too pompous for that.
Besides, (cheesy ending coming—get ready) when I put myself out there to be respected or ridiculed I am bettering myself and the people around me. Whether I say something that will make them think, or I say something they can confidently eliminate from their line of thinking I have put in my deposit for a more thought-provoking community. And if there isn’t thought-provoking community in our universe we might as well just throw it all out and get rid of NBA basketball and Kelly Clarkson too.
I can’t let that happen people. I…just…can’t.
--AB
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