Mt. Rapmore Part 9 (read this 2nd and Part 8 first)

The journey through Mt. Rapmore concludes:


The simple undeniable truth is that, in your discussion of possible Rushmore Part 2 candidates, you forgot the man who literally saved the nation twice-- and did it with Polio. Ladies and gentlemen, the true fourth member of Mount Rushmore should be....

F....D.....R

The depression and WW II went through him. The basis of Big Government programs including Social Security started with him. They had to make a rule after his tenure as president that you could only have two terms. Oh yeah, this guy was the man. He was it. He should be considered higher than Washington and maybe even Lincoln, but because he lived in the modern age and his wife was so butt ugly people don't give him very many legend props. He gets plenty of props, but not legend props.

And this is where the appropriate replacement to Rapmore comes in:

FDR=Dr. Dre
Heck they are even the same number of syllables (3). It just fits. Dre did so much groundwork on so many levels in multiple decades, just like FDR. This comparison does not work quite as well as Tupac and Lincoln, but its close enough. Dre spent most of his time saving the rap nation from a chair (Oh yeah I went there again-- FDR doesn't get enough credit for being the man he was and not being able to walk. Did you see what John Locke (from the show LOST) was like when he lost the use of his legs [oh yeah I went there too]?? He was worthless. FDR got up everyday with that ugly wife of his and made decisions (Also I think it is important that we have all the men from the three great wars represented: Washington and the Revolution, Lincoln and the Civil War, FDR and World War II). Anyway Dre was a behind-the-scenes decision maker and that is the most important part. But he was no rap slouch either.
Another important thing about Dr. Dre that doesn't relate to FDR very much but is still key is the fact that he pretty much owns most of rap. Two of my original Rapmore members had direct ties to Dre, and one of them (Eminem) was discovered by him. To discover people as important to rap as Snoop Dog and Eminem and put out two of the best rap albums of all time (The Chronic, and The Chronic 2000-- he is such a Bad A. he didn't even need to retitle it) is an amazing feat. Dre is the man and deserves the spot over Eminem just like FDR should replace Teddy.

To put an end to this, let me just give you a few honorable mentions and a few Rapmore and Rushmore Part 2's:

Mount Rushmore Pt. 2
Ronald Regan
Bill Clinton
JFK
Barrak Obama

--That's right. I am predicting the future. Barring the truly real possibility that Obama is going to purposefully ruin the country and just talks a good game, I hope and think he will be listed as one of the greats. I honestly do. Though I disagree with most of what Regan did, he totally counts for sure. JFK is here for mystique only (give me one actual good thing he did for the country, just one). And Bill Clinton gave this nation the most harmony in a long time. And he was even kind enough to give us an intriguing controversy (I will probably never smoke cigars) because he knew the USA thrives on crap they can gossip about; I seriously halfway think he had "sexual relations" on purpose and got caught on purpose. I really don't think I am kidding, but I might be kidding. It depends on what part I am kidding about and what part I am being serious about.

Mount Rapmore Pt. 2
Jay-Z
Biggie Smalls
Q-Tip
Common

--I thought about throwing Diddy in here just to see what my colleagues would say, but I didn't want to sound as dumb as my good buddy Nate. Sean Combs is No. 1 on my list for Mount Made-for-TV- Moviemore. The fact is that Biggie Smalls would have been one of the greats if he had lived longer. But there is a more important reason you can't put him on Rapmore 1, and that is Diddy. First of all Puffmunch killed Biggie, but more importantly he killed Biggie's freedom. I have a couple of B.I.G. tracks where he guests with other guys oustide of the Bad Boy community and he is INCREDIBLE. Where was this on Big Pappa? That song is boring. Just because he is a big guy doesn't mean he can't rap fast.
Anyway, Jay-Z is here because I don't see what all the fuss is about but everyone else does (like Regan). Notorious gave us some controversy. Q-Tip doesn't get enough props for A Tribe Called Quest but he was a really intriguing choice here because I see JFK flattening out like this if he wasn't shot.
And Common is the future. He really is. What did you call it Nick? Backpack hip-hop? I'm all in.

Here are a couple other interesting comparisons:

Warren G= Warren G. Harding
Yep I went there too. I am everywhere.

Kanye West=Benjamin Franklin
I like this because Kanye will never be thought of as a great rapper. I don't even know if he should be thought of as a rapper at all. But he does have a renaissance man quality to him (just one solid guest spot in a Spike Lee joint ought to certify it) which reminds me of America's greatest Renaissance man. Ben Franklin. He is America's greatest president without ever being one. Our greatest spokesperson. Our most outspoken thinker. Give it to Kanye. He needs more time to build up more history, but I think he will be the most important man in rap for a long time without even being a rapper. He may be the most important man in music period (although I was glad he got the shaft on album of the year by none other than the greatest Renaissance man in the history of jazz-- Herbie Hancock [thus certifying that Herbie is a greater renaissance jazzer than Miles Davis, which is huge! Why isn't anyone talking about this?! The biggest adjustment in the history of jazz discussion happened less than three weeks ago with a whole bunch of friggin Joni Mitchell songs. That is why jazz is dead. Even when it wins no one cares--which is kind of like the San Antonio Spurs. Ok my tangents have gone bonkers, but it leads me to my coolest and weirdest equal sign answer ever:

The San Antonio Spurs=Herbie Hancock=Kanye West=Benjamin Franklin
Enough broken logic to keep you going till Rapture.

--QA

Mt. Rapmore Pt. 8

This is a response to a debate sparked between some friends and I. To see the original argument check out the blog www.betweenorderandchaos.blogspot.com. The question: Who would be on Mt. Rapmore and why? The response:

 1. If I were to directly compare Mount Rushmore to Rapmore and make my case based upon the similar artists it would go something like this: George Washington= Kool Herc (although I may sound dumb but I have yet to see Grandmaster Flash in this discussion. At least a shout out about the man who was telling the truth about the ghetto as much as Public Enemy) Other than the parenthetical I have no argument with this agreed upon point. Thomas Jefferson= Chuck D As I look at Jefferson I see a man, who at the end of the day, was a true renegade. He was the only presiddent who was publicly anti-Christian (in fact he may be the only president that mattered EVER to be so publicly against the accepted religion of America--good or bad). Not only did he oppose the British, he sometimes even opposed the Americans (This of course is not expert opinion so feel free to put me down. It's like Bill Simmons with music. His argument in this whole thing was almost moot. He is just dumb and uninformed. I am the same way with the presidents). But Chuck D definitely goes here because he was crackin' on people who are rapping today before they were even born. The same way TJ was raggin' on George W. more than 100 years before it made sense. Abraham Lincoln=Tupac There should be a book with the above words as a title because it is just right. There should be no debate about this one. NONE. Their comparison is haunting. They were both great men. They have both been idolized for things that they weren't necessarily trying to be idolized for. And that is the big ticket for me. Abraham Lincoln will be championed as the man who was brave enough to say no to slavery and risk a war. That is how he is talked about in elementary school even up into high school. But he has been quoted as saying that if he thought keeping slavery would keep the union together, he would have done it. His leadership was so influential that he was an accidental (this may be too strong a word) inspiration to the abolishment of slavery. He seriously just didn't care about it. His care was actually in a way greater for the sake of a nation. And he kind of inherited The Emancipation Proclamation along the way. I feel that Tupac is very similar. Did he come out with the expressed intent of bringing light to the ghetto world? I don't think so. I think he was trying to literally stay alive and his natural oratory skills (like Lincoln) took him where he needed to go. It just so happened that he ended up representing a world, and he was chosen as the representative hero partially because of his untimely death (like Lincoln). I am serious about that book title. I say it should be co-written by Michael Eric Dysson and Chuck Klosterman. You pretty much certify a best seller when you can guarantee LOL humor in a book about two guys who were assassinated. Maybe they could do it as a conversation-- Dysson as Tupac and Chuck as Lincoln. Ok now I am just getting nuts. Teddy Roosevelt=Eminem This was definitely the toughest one. No doubt. It is the toughest one because I believe that TRoos does not belong on Mount Rushmore. He got lucky with timing. I will talk about who should be in the fourth spot in a second. In the meantime, if we have to use Teddy as a base, I will go with Marshal as my guy. This guy will get a bad rap (no pun intended) simply because he was white. He might even deserve the criticism. But he is far and away the most intelligent lyricist in the bunch. Yeah I said it and I mean it. Tupac would definitely win in a showdown, but he had his limits. Eminem has no limits. He quietly has the best booty rap ever (with exception to Sir Mix-a-lot). This came out a few years ago. Also the rare times he guest spots with singers it is incredible ("Smack That" with Akon, and that incredibly beautiful mashing with Dido-- which was slightly overplayed downplaying the fact that it is a beautiful track). In addition he has some of the most intense music in rap, making you curl in your seat when you listen and pissing people off who never got pissed off at black rappers publicly (the homophobic word issue). How does he compare with Roosevelt though? This is a bit of a stretch but I am gonna stick by it. Both men were misunderstood. Teddy is considered a working class hero, but he was a friggin' game hunter! That is not working class no matter what century you live in. Eminem has been construed as a whiner just because he is white. Not cool. He is as much ghetto as anyone in the rap industry--with additional prejudices to battle through before he made it big. People forget that, yes he is successful in part because he is white, but think about the journey he had to get there. Part 9 is coming soon. I go away from the subject quite a bit in Part 9, but it is still somewhat interesting if you have no life. --QA

The NBA vs. The NCAA (Or More Accurately Gnarly Looking Foreign Dudes and Cool Looking Jerseys vs. 35 Different Wildcat Teams and 18 Bulldogs)

Before we begin I should sneak preview the fact that at the end of the blog I will devote an entire paragraph to alternate titles for this piece. Skip to the end if that is what you are about. Now to the bread and butter...

    Many of you who might already know that I am first and foremost an NBA fan. This has to do just as much with how I grew up as it does the fact that the NBA is better. I came of age during the mid to late 90's, which any true Indiana basketball fan would know as the glory years of the Pacers. Reggie Miller was tearing teams up in the playoffs every year for what seems like a decade. He scored the infamous 8 points in 9 seconds against the Knicks. He beat the holy living tar out of MJ at the end of Game 6 vs. The Bulls and didn't get called for a foul. We had the Davis brothers (who weren't actually brothers), The Dunking Dutchman, Mark "I'm 2nd all time assists but I will never be in the Hall of Fame, ever" Jackson, and the Big Smooth Sam Perkins. Then the Pacers died. Or more accurately they probably actually killed someone, thus the game died. Now why am I talking about this? Simple. The Pacers have had a horrible season, but I am as excited about NBA basketball this year more than I have been in quite a long time. There are so many rivalries building. All we need is a couple good fights and the NBA will completely open up as a powerhouse of potent competition. 

     However, the NCAA lost my interest after the first two rounds of the tournament simply because I didn't do so well in my office pool. IU lost so what's the point. Now, I know I am a little jaded in this entire argument because of the absolute poopoo plummet that IU did towards the end, but you could make the same argument for my Pacers. I simply cannot convince myself to get consistently into college ball, but I can watch any regular season NBA game between two above-.500 teams and get into it (especially if there are playoff implications). The NBA is a better system than Division I college ball, and here is why...

 1. The college game is severely limited by the offensive sets. There is no penetration in the college game. There are always exceptions to generalizations like this, but they are not the norm. If I am watching a game between Temple and The University of Detroit, I am going to see three to four passes above the three point line, a pass into the post, a quick double team, a pass back out to the top of the key, and a desperation 3 near the end of the shot clock. Seriously how many times have you seen this play?? But in the NBA you are going to see Pick and Roll, fast break, and at least some creative post up moves. The 3-point-line is way too short to begin with (20 feet 9 inches). That line traps offensive sets into a specific concept. We would see less 3ball in Division I hoops if they expanded the 3-point-line to NBA length (23 feet 9 inches). But since they don't the game is trapped inside and outside of that arc preventing creativity and a certain grace to the game. 

 2. The college game's greatest asset-- The Tournament-- suffers from a lack of quality rivalries. The NCAA Division I Tournament is one of the most hyped and exciting events in American sports (closest rivals are The Super Bowl and Wrestlemania, not even close in competition is the most awful "sport" of all-- NASCAR [I dare you to argue with that]). However, the reason for the hype of the tournament is not the games themselves, but the game of guessing who wins and loses. It's not just a money thing; it is the fun of the guessing game, which is something that human beings are obsessed with doing for fun. The excitement of the Tourney has nothing to do with the actual games. Think about the fact that Memphis played Michigan St. for the right to go to the Elite 8 this year. Where is the history between those two teams? That's right, there is none. This makes for a disappointing game with no excitement. The number of blowouts and easily won games in the tourney far outweighs the close games.

 3. The NCAA is too expansive. There is too much to keep track of. Realize that I am still only talking about Division I (leaving II and III out of this). There were, as of 2005, 327 Division I teams spread throughout 31 conferences (at least two teams have moved up recently but I can't keep track of them). Think about trying to keep up with all of those players. 327 multiplied by 12 is 3924. That is 3924 players. For a guy like me who can get obsessive when getting into a subject, that is just too much. There are more conferences in Division I hoops than there are teams in the NBA. The NBA is just easier to keep track of. I love being able to name players and get into their stats and styles. In the NBA I can get to know players from each and every team, but by the time the NCAA tourney rolls around I have to familiarize myself with entire teams of players that will probably get blown out by 30 to Kentucky or Duke (two teams that I hate). I can't become attached to players I don't know. But the NBA is more public and their players more celebrity. I can follow them well and get into the games more because I know the players. Also there are enough rivalries in the NBA to keep me busy till June, and I won't get bogged down by the dinky 3-point-line. Now if you will excuse me, I have to shut off the Stanford-Texas game to watch Chris Paul and the Hornets vs Kevin Garnett and the Celtics.

 And now for what you've been waiting for: ...or more accurately titled The NBA: Where Amazing Happens vs. The NCAA: Where Dick Vital Shutting Up Never Happens, or even more accurately titled The NBA Cares About the Community vs. The NCAA Cares about Coach K., or quite a bit more accurately titled The NBA with Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck "I need them for my footsies" Barkley vs. The NCAA with Digger, Coach Knight, and Jay "I am impressed by anyone who is 6'8" and can jump high" Bilas, or finally most accurately titled The NBA with CP3, The Mamba, and King James vs. The NCAA with Eric "Dwayne Wade with a lower ceiling" Gordon, Tyler Sucksborough, and O.J. Lame-o. Whoohaa! --QA